Chrono Trigger for SNES and the time I forgot to save

This time I tried I different tactic. Instead of taking a humiliating video of myself playing Wii with a stupid look on face that will never see the light of day, I decided to simply talk through it and record everything my friend and I say on my handy dandy phone. That way I just had to transcribe it instead of rewatching my embarrassing self and transcribing it. 

My friend, however, is still disappointed at my progress. She really wants me to be able to enjoy the full story arc of a game but I never make it to a point in any game where that's possible. I always either (a) die early or (b) move onto another game so I can write about it. Even after the handful of video games that I've played, gaming doesn't hold a lot of spare-time appeal for me. I'd rather read a book or watch a movie or bingewatch an entire season of something on Netflix. 

The solution to this problem, then, lies in me watching her play the game. But that won't happen for a bit, so for now you can enjoy that time I played Chrono Trigger and forgot to save the game. Whoops.

Oh yeah, and you can enjoy – once again – my [self-censoring].

This is Chrono Trigger. There is something – presumably the main character – with spiky red hair that kind of looks like a pineapple. Reminds me of Legend of Zelda. There’s something with fire and volcano and something. That’s a creepy castle. Creepy tower. GARGOYLE! Moon. Bats. Moon. Why are the clouds behind the moon? That’s impossible. Something is happening. Apparently there is a king frog? That squashes things? Is that what you just said?

Yeah. It’s called Frog Squash. It’s an attack.

Okay. So I’m going to be sat on at some point. I guess that’s great. We are … driving? Luging. Skeleton! Olympic sports! Controller! Sun Chips! I’m eating Sun Chips! People are running! She’s got a high ponytail. What’s happening? Am I supposed to click something?

Yeah, the middle one.

Clicking. Clicking.

No? Try A or B.

A pendulum is swinging. As all pendulums do. And apparently the sea of Chrono Trigger is just like three quarters of that of that pendulum circle. Do I want to be active or wait?

You want to wait.

“Enter your name! And then push the start button.” What name … should I have … today? A … I’m going to spell “Amy” fancily. Oops, I don’t want that. How do I go back? B?

Yes.

I figured it out! Aha!

You have now used the old style controllers for long enough to know that B is the back button.

And then I hit start? I hit start! This reminds me of something that I played once that isn’t this at all, but that’s okay. Are those balloons popping? Are guns being fired off? Is this a hot air balloon party? But seriously … is this a hot air balloon party? There’s a ship and a dock, similar to Firth on the Forth, which is where I spent my time in Scotland. For half a day. Aimee! A-ee-mee. “Aimee! Good morning Aimee!”

Mom: “Come on sleepy head! Get up!” Mom has green hair, so that’s normal. Is that a cat? “You were so excited about the Millennial Fair, you didn’t sleep well did you? Dot dot dot question mark. I want you to behave yourself today.” Do all stories start with a parent or parent figure getting you up in the morning? Is that because most gamers still live with their parents? The cat followed the mom, now I guess I have to follow the cat. But I want to type something! There’s a typewriter! But I can’t touch it. Also, the placement of the bed is ill-conceived. The head of the bed is up against the desk where the typewriter is sitting, so I’d have to sit on the headboard to type which doesn’t make any sense because the headboard is presumably taller than the desk. When it could have gone over here and that desk could’ve gone in like an L shape against that book case or even against that wall. Man, I could do so much with this room! Morons.

There’s a fridge and a sink. “Finally!” This is mom talking. “By the way, that inventor friend of yours dot dot dot uh you know. Oh dear, I’ve forgotten her name.” That’s pretty [beachy], mom.

Oh great.

No, don’t worry. It’s “Mando.” My phone auto-corrected your name to Mando this morning.

I was going to say, most people put me as Marley.

“That’s right, Mando! Don’t forget – she invited you to see her new invention. Run along now! And be back before dinner.” There’s a bag of apples on the ground? Toaster. Four slice toaster. These people are fancy. But they only have two elements on their stove. The mom is not doing anything in the kitchen.

She’s doing dishes!

No, she’s not, she’s not moving anything. She’s just hailing the sink and then she moves over and hails the counter and then she hails the sink. Also, can she not just reach the counter – does she have to move three steps? From sink to counter space? This is not a good plan, mom. Come on, cat. Let’s get out of here. Where do I want to go?

To where the balloons were released. Ohh wait, maybe you have to go to Lucca’s house. Go down on that bridge. Just explore. There’s like items and stuff you have to get.

Ticket office?

No, not there.

What am I doing on this bridge? Oh wait, sorry, this is not a bridge. This is a dock. I got it! I got it! … This?

Yeah, that’s Lucca’s house.

Mando’s house, you mean. So this house looks terrifying. How is this a house? This looks like a discarded bookstore. There’s a really big table with only one chair. Come on people.

Go through that door.

Oh.

Also, you can make him move faster.

B?

Yeah.

Maybe I like his easy pace. Oh, I guess two element stoves are common in this world. Breakfast? That’s a boring kitchen. What are these giant … things that look like gun powder barrels?

Lucca’s an inventor.

So she has barrels of gunpowder? Hey, blue hair. “Oh hi Aimee. Mando’s off at Leene Square with her father Taban unveiling their new invention.”

Oh, never mind you don’t have to be there.

Well, this is a waste of my [frogging] time!

Yup.

Come on, cat! Wait, did I lose my cat in a barrel of gunpowder?

You left your cat.

Oh.

Most people don’t take their cats to town with them.

Well, some weirdos do.

Yes they do. But not Crono.

Also, I feel like I’m too big for this city. You know?

If they made you proportionate, you wouldn’t be able to see yourself on the map.

Well … hey look, a sheep? That looked like a sheep.

It’s an answering machine!

That’s a weird-[ash] answering machine. This is my first time exploring, I’d like future self to know. “Did you know about our establishment?” No. “This is the Mayor's Education Centre! Think of it as a workshop for beginners. You can take the things you find here. Please! Rob us!” Can I take that pretty lady? Do I need a brief weapons and items seminar?

Do you know how to use your weapons and items?

No.

Then probably yes!

Arrggh. Why are you making me be independent with this gaming?

Because I’m doing dishes!

“Weapons include: swords, bows and guns. Some weapons can only be used by specific party members. You’ll find a variety of armor for the head and body. Finally, swords will inflict greater damage. Bows and guns will get more powerful as your hit rate increases!” Aka have good aim.

Just check if you can plunder them. There might be stuff upstairs. Yeah, there you go. There’s a chest.

Treasure chest!

Now you’ll have to talk to that old man.

Found a hundred Gs! What’s a “G” short for?

Gold!

Oh. I was thinking Geld. Gelder. Gelden.

Probably why they called it Geld.

I’m going to talk to this sparkly person.

You’re not talking to the sparkly person, you’re talking to that little kid there. 

“Throughout this world are places you can save your game!” Okay, really? That’s it. Oh, is that it?

Yeah. That one won’t function. The sound didn’t go.

You have a broken save-game option, random sir, with your weird vest and your Eddie Murphy red outfit. Oh look! A treasure chest. I got a tonic! Where’s my gin? Also, that weird pink-haired girl is not moving at all. Where now?

Just head out to the balloon area. Let’s get things going!

Alien! Alien! Cat – my cat! Or does everyone have cats? “Welcome to the Millennial Fair. Have fun!” Thank you, random person who looks like they have a brain on the outside of your head. What’s happening?

So, those guys are in a race. You get to bet on it.

Wait, where? These cats?

Now, talk to that man in the tent – the blue tent there, while they’re still standing.

“Last round’s winner, GI Jogger. Guess the winner.” What?

Guess who’s going to win the next race.

Sure! Steel Runner!

Okay now they’ll start racing.

'Kay.

And if you pick the right guy then you get some fair points.

I feel like, as with any fair game, this game is rigged.

Whoa. Green Ambler won. Followed by GI Jogger. Catalack. Aaaand Steel Runner.

Holy crap, Steel Runner. You are so the last.

And you can try again if you want to.

I’m going to try again because I’m going to see if this game is rigged. So if Green Ambler won last time, I’m going to guess Green Ambler this time and let’s see what happens. Also, how is the cat not winning? It’s got four legs.

They do this all day, okay, sometimes they get tired.

That cat is winning! [Shoelaces], I should’ve guessed the cat. Green Ambler’s second. Steel Runner is ... oh Steel Runner is second! Okay, whoever that guy is, GI Joe, GI Jane … it’s odd that these fair games didn’t cost anything. Do I have money to buy something? Should I be buying weapons yet?

No. Okay, so what you do here matters for later in the game. So every person, every game you play is going to become a witness in your trial.

Oh, I’m going to get tried later?

Yes.

Okay …

So … yeah. Just beware when you start talking to people and yeah.

So don’t be myself? Because I want people on my side? Wait, what’s happening?

Yeah, you don’t have a whole lot of money to buy anything.

What’s this guy? Oh, same thing. What’s this guy?? “Press the A button while facing the bell. Judge your distance carefully and press the A button again.” What? What is this for?

You want to hit it as far back as possible so you can ring the bell.

I rang the bell!

No, you didn’t. Otherwise he’d reward you a point.

Oh … Do I just keep doing this?

You don’t have to.

Oh, come on! It’s getting up there. That’s what she said. Ha-HA! I did it! “Impressive!” Take that, Thor! 

“This kingdom has been through a lot, like the war against Magus 400 hundred years ago. Thank goodness things are so peaceful now.” You, green-haired lady, just jinxed yourself! Okay, what else am I supposed to do at this fair?

You have only reached one of – one, two, three, four, five, six, seven areas.

What do you mean “one of”? Where are all the other ones?

In the tent there, there’s a creepy-[aspirin] tent of horrors.

Who’s this dismembered head and body? Not head and body … Head and hand. Oh that’s a terrifying clown. Okaaaay. I don’t want to pay anything! Cancel! Not worth my time.

If you reached the 80 point one and win the game, you could win a clone of yourself!

Why would I want a clone of myself? I don’t even like myself all that often.

Thank you!

For the record, I sped up. Hey, I think that’s Mando.

No, that’s not.

Really? I just hit someone!

She’s the one everyone thinks I look like.

I just ran into her! I’m sorry. We both just bailed completely. “I’m so sorry! Are you okay? Uh oh, my pendant!” I feel like she ran into me when she saw me at the top of the stairs. Should I be talking to her about this pendant? Will she let me talk to her? “Oh no! Don’t tell me I lost it!”

Oh, you did the good thing there.

What? I talked to her?

Yep.

“Oh no! Don’t tell me I lost it!” Does she have a like brain—

Because if you go grab the pendant first, then they accuse you of stealing from her.

Ohhh. Where is the pendant? Oh, it’s right there. “Oh thank goodness! My pendant! It has a lot of sentimental value! May I have it back?” Uhh yeah. Why would I want to keep it? “I came to see the festival. You live in this town, don’t you? I feel a little out of place here. Would you mind if I walked around with you for a while?” So I got a clingy [barnacle]! “You’re a true gentleman.” She is cah-razy! She’s insane. She’s just jumping up and down. Like David Tennant.

“Oh, by the way, my name is … errr dot dot dot.” Oh, I know what her name is ... Drewie! “… Drewie! And you’re … Aimee? What a nice name! Pleased to meet you! Now lead on!” She’s crazy! Ohhh nooo … Who are you people? I hate fairs. “Say, do you know the latest gossip?” No. “Just between us! I heard that king is distressed over his tomboy of a daughter. Just once I’d like to see how wild she really is!” That sounds sexual. Okay. What’s happening …

Do that one! Talk to that guy!

“It’s a soda guzzling contest! Press the A as fast as you can!” Okay. “Ready, set, GO!” I’m guzzling soda. I’m breaking my teeth. “Only five cans? That’s the best you can do?” Well …

By the way, those cans are totally not soda. If you get my drift.

Is it bull urine? “You’re awfully competitive, aren’t you Aimee?” I wanna do it again! “Press A as fast as you can. Ready, set, go!”

Whoa, you got that one up fast.

That’s what she said! “Only six cans? That’s the best –“ You’re an asshole. I’m going to get sick doing this. Come on … fastest fingers in the west. Nope. Only six cans. Yes, that’s the best I can do. And yeah, I’m competitive, Drewie … Who are you? “Waaa! Where’s my cat?” She brought her cat to public! People do it! Am I supposed to be looking for her cat?

No, go to the top right corner. You’re going to appreciate that part of the fair.

Top right corner, eh? Is this where I meet a handsome gentleman or … naked people? This is creepy. This is really creepy. A couple of women on stage dancing?

One’s a man.

I’m uncomfortable. They should have an adult only sign or something. Hey, I found a cat! Yeah, I know, I’m trying to take you cat. Did I just take the cat?

Yeah.

Because it just kind of disappeared. Like I magically killed it or something. “Waaa where’s my cat!” I’m giving you your damn cat.

Oh maybe you didn’t.

Oh, stupid friggin’ cat. This is what you get for being a helpful person.

Go up to the top left, anyways. You need some battle practice.

What is this guy?

This is Gato.

Gato? Isn’t that Spanish for “cat”? “They call me Gato. I have got metal joints. Beat me up and earn 15 silver points.” That is not a great song, Gato. How do I kill people?

It’s turn-based again, so …

Ohhh. Well this is embarrassing. Oh.

You only have attack, so just keep using your attack. And it’s the same thing – you learn the rhythm, so if you press A at a certain time, you’ll get a double shot.

Right.

And if you press A at a certain time, you’ll block.

Right. Turn-based. What’s happening? Why is this guy singing? “Got 10 experience points!” She jumps really high when she’s happy. I don’t really know what happened, but okay! This man is weird. “I lost, you won, here’s 15 points. Now wasn’t that fun?” You’re a sad, sad thing.

Okay, you should probably leave and come back until you level up at least once.

Oookaaay … Oh, do I have to hear him sing this song every time?

Every time!

[Shipyards]. Well, maybe I’m not very skilled at this. I had to use tonic on Gato and that’s just who I am. Why is this guy still singing? Let me out of this creepy karaoke!

Okay, go down first and on that table, you’ll see that weird-coloured thing. Eat that.

“Yum! Tastes like chicken!” That’s weird. It looks like a pile of pink ash. Also, the cat! “You’re such a pig, Aimee.” Wow, she’s a sweetheart, isn’t she? Old man, get out of my way! Did I get the cat, yet? Okay, what am I doing now?

You should do Gato a few more times.

Uuuugggggh.

Stop [beaching]!

But I have to hear him sing every time!

It’s a video game, man! It’s all about the grinding.

I don’t like grinding! And you can quote me on that, future Amy! I don’t like grinding. Am I doing this right?

Yup.

Okay … I just keep on pressing A, is that it?

Yup. Until you get to tech, you’ve really got nothing else to do.

I got ten experience points! And a tech point! And I have to hear him sing again! With his weird outie belly button that’s actually a punching mechanism.

It’s not like he’s an actual human being with a belly button. 

How do I pause?

You don’t. You should check your phone to make sure it’s still recording.

Yup, it is. It’s at 28 minutes.

It’s at 28 minutes and you haven’t even started the game?

Yup. This is how I roll! My leg is so asleep! Yaaay she’s jumping up and down again.

She does that after every battle, get used to it.

It’s really annoying. I should probably pause my—

[Time passes.]

A true friend grinds for her friends, future Amy. Because you went out to change the parking of your car and you came back to find your friend had done a bunch of grinding for you! This damn cat.

Just click it once, not twice.

I did click it once.

Okay now leave. There you go.

Ohhhh. I got it.

Last time you hid it in a sack or something.

Oh gosh. Come on, cat. Stupid cat. It keeps getting stuck on the stairs. Come on, you stupid cat!

Walls are difficult things to traverse around.

It’s a cat! Cats are supposed to be agile! Out of my way, woman. Oh my GOSH, these people are so cramping my style! I can’t even [flunking] talk to these people. “You brought back my cat! Thank you!” “You’re so sweet, Aimee!” Thanks, Drewie. And the cat is now sitting among a bunch of blue watermelons. Now what? 

See if you can get up to the top part.

Hello sirs. “They’re still setting up! Why don’t you come back in a while.” Ermehgersh.

Oh, you have to go down that’s why.

Down where?

I think you have to talk to Melchior.

Who?

The weird looking dude to your right.

Mr. Weapons? “Buy something from Melchior the swordsmith?” Sure. What am I buying?

Can you buy something?

I don’t know.

Press the confirm button.

A?

Probably. Oh yeah! You can! Buy it.

The iron blade?

Yup. Okay, B.

B, B. “I live on the continent to the east. Come see me sometime!” Okay, weird old man. Thanks for propositioning me. “By the way dot dot dot could you talk that young lady into selling her pendant?” Do I want to talk that young lady into selling her pendant?

Do you?

No, it’s sentimental!

It’s another test for you.

That’s rude. “They’re still setting up!” Oh my gash.

Talk to that dude in the tent there.

“You have 91 silver coins.”

Definitely not him.

“Want to exchange 10 silver—“

No.

Oh. Umm …

Try that old man.

Why are there so many randos that I have to talk to? “No time to talk! I’m just sitting down for lunch!” You have been pacing back and forth for the entire time I’ve been doing this, sir. You weirdo! This person? “Keep going if you blah blah.” No! Should I go into that weird tent?

No.

Should I …

You must have to do something in the main part. Okay, there’s a person sitting on the well there.

Uh-huh. Mr. Emo Kid? “I hear Mando and her dad have made another crazy invention! Hope it doesn’t blow up like all the others! They ought to be ready now.”

There you go.

So I had to talk to this random person? “Hold your horses! I want to get some candy!” You. Little. [Bugle].

Hey, you actually went over with her! I always pull her away.

I … I … I’m not allowed. “Just give me a second!”

Oh, there you go you tried to pull away.

Now what? What are we doing?

She’s picking her candy. Have patience. 

“Aimee! Where have you been? No one wants to try the teleport. How about you?”

“It looks like fun!” Drewie talking. “I’ll watch while you try it out.” It’s very much like The Prestige.

Except for way before.

Yeah, but this one doesn’t have David Bowie. So really, which one’s better? “All system’s on!” Noises. “Begin energy transfer!” “Oh wow, that was great! You didn’t die!” That’s it? Are we talking to people? “It worked?! I can’t believe it!” He sounds confident in his abilities. “Uh err a thrilling display of science at the best, ladies and gentlemen!”

“Hey Aimee, how did you pick up a cutie like her?” Whoa! Her arms just got really long! “Hang on, Aimee, I’ll be right there.”

Drewie steps onto the machine. “Don’t go away! I’ll be right back!” “You sure about this? There’s still time to change your mind!” “No way! Throw the switch!” Let me guess: She’s not gonna make it. “Okay everyone, let’s give her a great big hand when she reappears!” This is a lot of setting up for her to reappear. “All systems on!” The sound sounds like a sonic screwdriver. “Something’s going wrong. My pendant it’s …” “Huh? Huh?” Oh my goodness. Something is happening. Things are being electrocuted. There’s a wormhole. She’s goooone. This is sooo shocking. She’s in the weird wormhole situation! It’s all very ominous! “Mando, where is she?” “Show’s over, folks!” There were three people watching and one I think is blind because he just walked into a wall. Is he hammering that thing?

Yeah.

This is not a safe machine if it needs to be hammered to flip the switch.

This is 1000 A.D.

Well, figure it out, Taban. “We did iiiiit.” “Wormhole!” “Energy transfer!” “I’ll follow you after I know what went wrong. Good luck, Aimee.” Oh look, there are things. Gremlins? Blue gremlins? Blue imp!

Exciting music change! Like an ‘80s laser tag arena. I just turned all the blue imps into weird red clouds of dust. And I found gold!

You stripped their corpses.

Note to you kids out there: If you kill some imps, you might get gold. This is a lesson we all need to learn.

Hey look, a ladder! Hey look, a bridge! Hey look, blue imps being carried in by blue eagles! Kill them! Get the gold! So I break through a wormhole and I travel to another area in space and time or whatever – another realm. I find a bunch of blue imps and my first reaction is to become a genocidal murderer?

They started hurting you first.

Yeah, but, it’s a lot of murdering right out of the gate. And now I’m stealing their tonic. Although, I really doubt these people and their understanding of security because they just leave these treasure boxes all over their land filled with [sheep].

Press Y. Or X. Go to items. Okay, uh yeah, you have to go back to equip so press B.

Okay, is that it?

Yerp.

I now have a power glove! Which is what I imagine Michael Jackson called that sparkly glove he wore. Hey look, a weird green hedgehog.

Is this going too slow for you?

Nahhh, it’s fine. I can eat my chips and then I can kill an imp. And then I can go over his cold corpse. I wonder if this is what Khan meant when he told them he’d walk over their cold corpses in Star Trek Into Darkness.

What?

Don’t worry about it. It’s a quote that I understand in my head … This looks kind of like my world. Should I go to the Truce Inn? Why are these people walking in place?

Because when people are stationary, it’s weird.

Is it?

Yeah, because of the pixelation it looks like they blend into the background at times.

Oh. What is this flaming beer thing? “What a relief! They finally found Queen Leene wandering around in the mountains. She must be glad to be home!” O-M-G, is that who what’s her face is?

I’m losing interest in this story. Oh look, a new person. “I’m Toma the Explorer.” A little different than Dora. “If you’re buying, I’ll tell you a story!” Do I want to buy this story from him?

It’s your gold.

Sure.

Once again, in Japan, it’s not cider he’s ordering.

What’s he ordering in Japan? Sake?

Sure.

Drugs? Starfish testicles?

Yes.

Yeah? Is that what cider is in Japan? Starfish testicles? Pulverized starfish testicles? “I’d like a foaming glass of starfish gonads, please.” This guy was useless! You could’ve told me that, friend. It smells like bacon. Ooh, a mysterious force is sealing this random box in a bedroom that has three beds. This is a creepy hostel! It really smells like bacon.

That’s because I’m cooking bacon!

I thought it was the game. An added bonus.

Olfactory expulsions.

“You’re going to fight Magus’s army? Wonderful!” Do I want to buy weapons?

No. You don’t have much money.

Hey look! Weird gross things. Hey that one guy is no longer a blue imp – he’s a green imp!

You’ve gone up in level.

That was rude. Did he just spit at me?

He threw a rock at you!

Oh, it was a rock.

You thought the rock being thrown at you was rude, not the faces he’s making?

No, who cares about that. But if he starts flicking my face, we’re going to have a problem.

But he’s so pretty.

That’s a weird face. Grow up, man! Why does he keep throwing rock at me?

Because you just came at him with a sword.

Yeah, but according to you they started it so I’m allowed to kill all these things in this world.

If you’re not going to fight things, why are you gaming?

I don’t know! Because someone said I should start this blog! Is that the pendant? What is it? Where is it? There it is. Power tab! Is that like an energy drink?

Okay now they are weird acrobats who are … riding? What are they doing? What’s over here? In this weird dark corner? What’s over here in this weird dark corner? Oh look! Something in the bushes! Oh my goodness! Running! Oh my gosh, these weird acrobatic imps! That was rude. This is all very rude! I think I died. I’m lying on the ground.

[Foooooollicles]. You didn’t save.

Oh-ho-ho-kay, I think that’s the end of Chrono Trigger.

The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword on Wii, part two of a two hour transcription

If you're wondering what I mean by "part two," you should probably do a better job of keeping up with my blog. Or you can read my logic behind a transcribed gaming session here. Join me as we continue the journey through my pathetic Wii skills as I roam around the strange world of Skyloft with the guidance of my friend. 

Once again, I'm in the default colour and my friend is all exciting and blue or maybe turquoise. Cyanide! No wait, that's not a colour ... cyan? 

Bird statue. What do I wanna do?

Save.

Really? I haven’t done anything. Oh, I moved barrels. Bloo-doo-doop-doo-doo-doop! [my attempt at the saving noises] This game is gonna take me all frickin' day.

It’s gonna be so awesome.

[a low voice in the game] "Heeeey!" What is calling me?

“Good morning Aimsters! Today’s finally the day of the long-awaited Wing Ceremony!” YOU’RE THE FOURTH PERSON TO TELL ME! “Are you feeling ready? Oh I just remembered. There’s something I’d like to ask you about. Look this way while pressing and holding Z and then press A to have a quick chat with me.” That’s … specific. “Excellent! Always remember, you can press Z to target something!” This is a weird conversation, professor! “Once you have targeted something with Z, you can easily talk to him or her by pressing A.” OR YOU COULD JUST HAVE A CONVERSATION! “Even when there isn’t anything to target, pressing Z is an easy way to quickly face your view forward.” Or … stop talking to me you weirdo. “But it’s a little silly to carry on a conversation from this distance, why don’t you just come join me up here?” So you can murder me? “You should be able to climb up if you DASH up to the top of the wooden box, don’t you think?” Is that a euphemism? “Move while holding A to dash. You should be able to make that dash fairly easy. Try climbing up here!”

I just noticed that instead of spikes on top of those bars there, they’re birds. 

Oh my gash. Overkill, Skyloft! What am I doing?

Remember how you ran? Go over to the bird statue and face the blocks and then hold A and then just run at them.

Oooooookay. Oh.

You have to be closer. Yeah. Parkour parkour.

Parkour parkour. Okay. Let’s do this. [background of Link’s grunting noises]

“So what do you think? Using A to dash is useful, isn’t it?” Shut up, you weird Avatar! “However, you dashed around so much that you tire yourself out. Your stamina gauge will empty and you will be out of breath and it will turn a blood orange colour.”

“It’s best to take a little break when your stamina gauge gets empty.” Seriously, he looks like one of the Avatar things.

He does.

“Got all that? Onto the next point!” I wonder if he puts on makeup to cover up the blue.

He’s tall enough.

Like he’s a refugee from the Avatar land … I haven’t seen Avatar. “You can jump a short distance like this just by moving toward it! I like to call it… THE AUTO JUMP!” Ah yes, Auto Jump. Good times. I remember this one time in band camp in Avatar land, we were playing the pan flutes and this one little [bongo] … okay. What am I doing?

Hold in A and run toward that ledge. 

Am I gonna miss it?

Well, it depends on if you aim yourself properly. AIM-sters.

Ha-ha-ha-ha. I don’t get it.

That talk bubble above his head means you have to talk to him again.

Ugh. “So what are you up to? Rushing to get some last minute bird-riding practice?” BIRD RIDING? “Oh, you have someone to meet? Ah, Zelda’s waiting for you isn’t she …” How do you know this, creepy professor? Is that professor a man or a woman?

A man.

Pretty low cut shirt for a man. “You see Zelda’s father, headmaster Gaepora” … GAY-pora? Like Gay-org?

[For years I thought Captain Von Trapp's first name was Gayorg. It's not. It's Georg.] 

Kaepora Gaebora is the name of the owl. So they combined his names and made Zelda’s father Gaepora.

“...has a pet named Mia and, well, she scampered off again.” This is really exciting news, professor! “Look! There she is! Over there, do you see her?” HOW DO YOU SEE THAT? There are two roofs and she’s on top of a flat roof like … so many feet above you. This doesn’t make any sense. “The headmaster is so busy working with Zelda for the Wing Ceremony, I thought that maybe I should feed her.” Zelda? “But the ceremony is about to start.”

Mia.

“And I just put on a fresh set of clothes and, well, you see, will you help me out and go retrieve Mia for me?” Why not. “Fantastic! So you’ll do it?!" Question mark, exclamation mark?! “I know you’re in a hurry, but I really appreciate you taking the time to help.” I’m a very helpful person! And I’m counting up all these favours for other people so that I can get it back. “I’m terribly sorry but I know you’re quite the climber. I really do appreciate it.” I’m gonna fall off the roof.

Okay, so, you’re going to run at …

Can’t I just go through a door?

No.You’re gonna run at that ledge, no no no, to the right, against the wall.

What?

See there’s that ledge?

Oh, that one.

Yeah, you’re gonna run at it, okay, move to the left.

[Burst of laughter at the sight of Link shimmying his way from roof to roof. It was a weird laugh. I'd never heard myself laugh like that before. It was a little embarrassing. Again, this video will be shared with no one.]

Keep moving, now shake your right hand. Hurry … you have to keep moving, and shake. Okay let go. Let your stamina fill up.

Running and jumping?

Yup.

Oh, I missed! [Flipflopping handbaskets]. Not worth it.

No, you need to rescue Mia.

Ugh. [Link grunting] Whoa, whoa. No! Umm… [ship] monkeys! I just smashed into a window ledge. Why did I agree to this?

You’ll get it.

Will I? Why am I so close? [Link grunting] Herp hup!

He’s so attractive.

ARGGHHH! I completely missed! [Floating herbivores]! It’s going to take me an hour to get up and save this damn bird.

It’s a cat!

Oh, I thought it was a bird. I missed!

You don’t think a bird could fly?

Well, I thought it was an injured bird. Why’d I just do that? [stern look of concentration on my face] Okaaaay Aimsters.

Yay!

I did iiiiiiit.

[Link grunting.]

[Link panting.]

[Future Amy feeling uncomfortable with the noises.]

Is this far enough away?

Yeah.

Is that straight?

Not quite.

Like that?

No, see you’re tilted to the right a little.

Like that?

It’s easier if you start from further back. And you’ll have time to readjust your course. Now press … just run it.

Okay. Now what?

Climb up the vines. So you kind of run at the wall and … there you go. And you can shake to jump forward.

“Heeeey!” Uggggh. What! Who’s talking to me? What are you ... You can’t even see me! How do you see the bird [correction: cat]? This is classic you not being able to see the bird [cat]. This viewpoint right here. [Armpit]. Okay I get it. Stop it. I don’t care. Is that where I want to move it?

All the way to the wall. 

Yeah, but … [Link grunting] Okay. Now I just.

Step away from it and then run up it.

Run up it?

Yeah, with A.

[cat’s meow] Can I throw this weird cat?

Yeah, throw it off the edge, though. 

See you, cat! [waving Wiimote in the air] I wanna throw it!

Oh, maybe it won’t let you. You’ll get an opportunity to later.

“Aimsters! Stop throwing the cat! You still don’t get it?”

[I try throwing it again.]

“Aimsters! You still don’t get it?”

[Try throwing again.]

“Aimsters!”

How many times are you going to do this? 

Ahhh, so many. What do I do?

Bring Mia …

And jump off the edge?

Yup. You have no problem jumping off of roofs. To the right.

“Nice work, you’ve brought her back safe and sound!” You were just yelling at me like two seconds ago with your weird vision that can see everything, you creepy avatar.

I like that he’s got Mia on his belt.

Oh my goodness, he does! You are strangely attached to this cat. “Sorry for troubling you with this ... I know you’re busy!” Why do you have such a problem feeding this cat? Do you have to like kill a bird to feed it or something? “Please tell the headmaster that we found his pet! He should be up by the statue of the goddess!” So I wanna go there.

Yeah.

Hey look, stairs! “I believe Zelda is there with him, so you should hurry along!” I don’t like her. Why do people make me like her? What’s this? “You got a stamina fruit!” What’s that thing? Do I want to talk to it yet?

If it’s got a thing above its head, yes.

WHOA! “Morning Aimsters, how’s life? Did you manage to get an even wink of sleep last night?” That’s not even a phrase. That doesn’t make any sense you weird French Jean Claude Van Damme type thing with elf ears and a mustache that goes up around the nose in a U shape. [In a sultry voice] “Figured you might’ve been tossing and turning all night thinking about the big ceremony today.” Is it weird when I say it like that? [sultry voice again] “What am I doing? Oh, just fixing this gate here.” He’s not wearing a shirt above his belt. [sultry voice] “It’s been squeaky lately. Know what I mean? And we can’t have that on the day of the ceremony.”

He’s got a wife and daughter.

...Ladies. “Hey you haven’t already forgotten to send your prayers to the goddess this morning.” Why when he said “send your prayers” did he do a Thor hammer punch to his hand? “Just face the bird statue over there and say a short prayer to save your progress.” Really? [sultry voice] "As you know those bird statues are all over Skyloft and blah blah blahblahblahblahblahblah ... Hey-hey-hey-hey!” Hey-hey-hey-hey! Oh, fruit. Where’s that bird?

You don’t need to. You already did it.

I don’t think I’m even walking on the stairs. Or maybe I am. [sound of footsteps] I really like my exercise! I like being so fit! I could not do that in real life. I’m all about the fruit! I have to pee.

You can’t until the cinematic scene is over.

I’m waiting for Mufasa to hold up Simba and all the elephants go “ooooh-aaaahhh!” [I'm not great at the elephant noises. You might've guessed.]

Sorry you’re just going to get a little bit of a love story.

SHE’S THE WORST! Oh, brother … can I skip this?

Nope.

[big sigh] This is painful.

[Zelda singing]

Can I pee?

No, you have to watch this.

I don’t want to.

You have to.

[Zelda giggling] She’s a giggler? “Flam-fleem-fla-floo-flee. I’m glad to see my loftwing got you out of bed.” Your what? Is that a euphemism? “I was pretty sure you’d sleep in and forget to meet me this morning. You’re pretty unreliable.” [Zelda giggles] “But look at this instrument! And look at this outfit! They’re mine to use today in the ceremony since I’ll be playing the role of the goddess. I don’t care about you and your weird pants ... Aren’t they beautiful? Especially this instrument!” Why does she keep showing him her instrument? “They tell me it’s just like the one the goddess is said to have in the legends.”

Maybe it has importance to the game! 

Maybe! I can’t stop staring at it apparently. “It sounds gorgeous too.” They forgot a comma. “I asked father about it and he said it’s called a HARP.” Harp. Harpy! “Look at these clothes! I made this wrap myself and we get to use it in today’s ceremony!” How many times does the ceremony get mentioned? You could make a drinking game out of how many times they say ceremony and be plastered before you even have time to save with a bird. “I got up early this morning because I wanted you to be the first to see me like this, Aimsters!” Why would you get up early if you know he sleeps in? “How do I look?” she says. To which I respond: “Uhhh really? You know, maybe it does look a little weird.” Ha-ha! Made her feel insecure. “Ah, there you are Zelda. Are you all prepared for today’s… CEREMONY?”

[I go to the bathroom and return from the bathroom. You may find it odd that I kept this detail in here, but it's important for the following interaction.]

First of all, your toilet paper dispenser is broken.

No it’s not!

Yes it is! I tried extending it. That’s what she said. Second of all, Link. I at least know how to use a toilet! Because you pull your pants down before you use it!

It is broken.

I told you!

How’d that happen?

“Oh, hello father!”

You’re going to love his face.

Is it anything like creepy Gaston’s face?

Just wait.

I see a hand. “Ah, Aimsters. you're here too. Outstanding!” WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIS FACE? He’s got a unibrow the shape of a harp. Is anyone else recognizing the fact that his unibrow is the exact shape of the harp? “It’s encouraging to see you up so early given your capacity for sleep.” How annoyed is Link? “And no doubt today’s CEREMONY…” So everyone has mentioned the ceremony and/or his sleeping in.

“You’ll get to participate in the post race ritual with Zelda,” unibrow dad says. Really? “Father, I don't know if he can do it!” This is awkward. Look how awkward Link is. Oh man. “And even when he’s riding his loftwing, he’s just lazily gliding around probably daydreaming.” What a [banshee]! Is this because I told her her outfit was “Uhhh …”? “I don’t know what he’s thinking! He’s going to have to be in perfect control of his bird to win today.” Yeah, be in control of your bird, man.

“Hmm…” says her unibrow dad. “You see Aimsters and his loftwing share a special connection. I’ve never seen anything quite like it.” It’s like they’re married. Sorry, Zelda. He’s an interspeciesist. “He is but one half of a pair.” And you’re not Link’s other half. His bird is. It’s like a guy being really into his car. “We’re only made whole by our loftwings! ... Ahhh, but the first meeting between Aimsters and his loftwing was extRAORdinary! Look at my unibrow ... Blah blah blah ... boy and his bird share a profound connection…” Link’s like, “Why am I hearing about this again? You guys are the worst!” And she’s all, “I wish I was the bird!”

“The little boy just hopped on his bird and gracefully flew away without even a moment of instruction. They were meant for each other.” MFEO. “And judging by how jealous you were that day, I think the friendship with his bird didn’t go unnoticed by you, m’dear. As you keep staring at him. With your square eyes.” She’s got square eyes. Rhombus-ish. Weird eyeliner placement! You’re supposed to get right on the lash line ... So unibrow man talks with a “hoo-hoo” laugh?

Yeah, he’s an owl basically. 

Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo. Hoo-hoo. Hoo. Did he just fall asleep? “Blah blah blah, knights of skyloft!” Remember: cleanliness is next to knightliness!

You’re getting it!

I’m remembering. “If Aimsters doesn’t fly fast enough during the race, he/she will die. And shemale, I’ll miss him/her.” She is high-strung. Also, she doesn’t understand ponytails. Ponytails go at the nape of the neck, it’s not like the bottom chunk of the ends that you just wrap together! What good is that doing? Her single-browed dad says, “Honestly it’s like you become a completely different person when you worry about Aimsters.” ‘Cause she’s bipolar! *Sheepish look away.* "I don’t understand ponytails ... You better fly your heart out today! At the very least you could squeeze a little practice time in before the race!” She is such a nag! And now she’s just dragging him by the hand? Do you want to be the Zelda in this scenario? Do you want to be the nag to this poor guy who doesn’t know how to talk because you keep interrupting him? And then you push him? Is this your dream?

I don't want to be Zelda. I like Link.

“You can’t sense your bird out there? Hmm? Hmm? Oh, I get it. You’re trying to weasel out of having practice. Nice try. But you’re not fooling me!” Push! Push him off! Off you go. [Link falling] Is this that awkward moment when the bird doesn’t show up? Come on, Lord of the Rings eagles! We need you! To save us at the last moment even though you could’ve just flown us to Mordor right away. “Hmm. His bird sure is taking a long time. Something’s wrong!” Did she just jump off, too?

Yep.

Does she have a parachute?

No! See, her belt matches his collar, for her to hang onto. 

Oh, I see. “Hang in there Aimsters! I’ve got you! Sorry for pushing you off when you were clearly not prepared to do so because you knew something was wrong because you were staring into the sky every time we looked at you because you couldn’t find your bird!”

“Are you two alright?” unibrow man asks. Your daughter is crazy, sir. Lock her up. “I didn’t mean to push you so hard!” Zelda says. Do you think pushing him less hard would have not made him fall off into the sky?

No, no no. She means the bird.

Ohh. Oh, she’s not even apologizing to Link. “That’s very odd, Aimsters. What could have possibly happened to your loftwing? For a bird to ignore the call of his master, it’s unheard of!” What if the bird is like, “Ehh, I’m taking a break and I really just wanted some downtime and …” No, I can’t sense my bird nearby, Mr. Unibrow. “Wing ceremony is about to start!”

Zelda finally apologizes. “Aimsters, when you said you couldn't sense your loftwing, I should've believe you and, well, I’m sorry.” Apology not accepted! “I need to tend to my own loftwing so I’ll catch up with you later.” Still. Apology not accepted. Shut up, weirdo. Also, his legs are so tiny! The headmaster’s legs do not make any sense.

Because he looks like a bird!

Yeah, but his face looks like a harp!

Join me again whenever I get around to spending an evening watching a video of myself and transcribing the ridiculous things my friend and I say. 

The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword on Wii, part one of a two hour transcription

So, I decided that since it would be difficult for me to play Skyward Sword on Wii and also type out this particular entry, I thought it would be a brilliant idea to record myself talking through the game and then transcribe it. Genius! Of course this is the best option! ...The only problem is that means I have over two hours of webcam footage (which the world will never see because zombie-playing on Wii is not a look that should be broadcast) that I now have to listen to and write out. It takes a while. Also, in writing it all out again, I have learned that I have a very short attention span when thinking aloud. I promise I'm not an idiot, but you may get that impression from reading the following dialogue between myself and my gamer friend. For the sake of reading ease, I've put my friend in this italicized fun colour and left me the reliable default. I apologize for the length of the idiocy you may or may not choose to read. And for the record, this bit is only the first twenty minutes of me playing. Feel my pain. 

[Choosing my character name, an activity that I now know takes some time no matter what game I play.] More!? More characters. I do love me a semi-colon, but, ampersand for the win! Divided by… almost sounds like provided by. You know? Almost. Hey that’s a … flat … sharp! I don’t remember music signs. Cents, euro, pound, yen… Registered trademark? A whole bunch of letters I don’t know. Those are your Greek alphabet. I don’t care! Aaaaand question mark! Okay. [Main titles pop up:] There are red trees. I’m going to describe what I see. Weird leaves… This could be Pan’s forest island thing. You do realize you’re going to have to listen to this again. Why? Well because this is your notes. You’re going to have to listen to your— Oh this! I thought you meant the game. No, I’m fine with listening to myself because I don’t have a weird voice. Just sound like my sister! It’s totally fine. It went black and there was a monster. And red like James Bond movies. The title, that is. Not the monster. Don’t think there are any red monsters in James Bond. That wasn’t even the title; that was just celebrating the 25th anniversary. We should probably record me talking about a James Bond movie. Yeah! [To fill you in, dear reader, we've gotten into a habit of watching old James Bond movies so I can make fun of them. To sum up: there are a lot of battles in places there shouldn't be battles – like in outer space or under water.] Red bird! The collar… do birds have collars? Necklaces! It should be hanging a bit more, unless it’s flying SO FAST that it’s plastered against its chest. Hey look! It’s Asgard!

They have a reason. They have a reason? Yeah. It would be so embarrassing if one bird didn’t show up and that person just dove expecting to land on their bird and then the Lord of the Rings eagles didn’t show up. You know the ones that just save everything. Yeah. It’s so peaceful! ...Holy [shenanigans] those are big birds! I guess they did jump on them… Is this when Harry Potter gets his letter? Yeah. From the owl? Yeah. So when it leaves this magical realm and enters the world’s magical realm, does it turn into an owl to blend in? Yes. Do you notice all the bird statues? Yeah. I know, but they’re not owls. They’re some weird toucan. They basically look like it. They do not look like owls! Have you seen an owl? Yeah but, oh, you don’t know Zelda birds then. I don’t know Zelda birds. I don’t know Zelda anything… [sings] That person looks awkward! I’m uncomfortable! In Ocarina of Time, and other games, too, you have this owl companion and he’s so annoying and Zelda’s dad and the teachers look like owls— “Rise, Aimsters! The time has come for you to awaken!” …They all look like owls? Yeah, just wait until – they look like birds. You know what it’s rising like? [gestures to TV] What? A Marxist regime. [This is a look into the kind of priceless humour we share. When we were making waffles one time, I asked why there was so much baking soda in the recipe, and my friend told me it was because the waffles needed to rise like a Marxist regime and then she doubled over laughing.] [airily dramatic] “You are fated to have a hand in a great destiny.” That’s some bad syntax, guys. “And it will soon find you!” [gibberish] “The time has come for you to awaken!” ... Is that what Aimsters is? In whatever language this is? … I’M A MONSTERRRR! This person looks Scandinavian. In his garb. He can have a pet reindeer. Okay… that bird just completely attacked… me. Is that me? Yeah. He just threw me on the ground. What a [bunny]. Also, could’ve landed on the bed, bird. You were an inch away from the bed, but instead I’m hanging half off the bed, ya [banjo] … What kind of [shawarma-y] pillow is that? This bird is the worst! Also, its feathers have got to be bigger than that. That bird is massive. I’m wearing a lot of eyeliner. “Hey sleepyhead, I know how much you like to sleep in so I’m guessing this letter would be your alarm clock this morning. Did I guess right?” What kind of [punk-armed benchwarmer] is writing this letter? Zelda! “Rise and shine, Aimsters! Today’s the Wing Ceremony! You promised to meet me before it staaarts! Remember?” She is clingy. She’s even clingier in this than she was in Legend of Zelda when she was like on my tail, walking around. “You better not keep me waiting!” Nagging [buffalo]. I can’t use this language when I actually post this.
[As you can see, I chose to replace my language with other fun words. Enjoy the censorship.]
[sighs] I’m wearing so much eyeliner, it hurts. [Time passes. Things are mumbled. Back to the "action"...] What’s happening? ...Gear? … Help. Plus… minus… Okay. Left hand. [dutifully put my left hand up] Throttle. Whoa! Heh-heh-heh! ...I’m just running around the room. Window! … It looks like I’m moonwalking into the wall. Am I wearing Ugg boots? I’m pretty sure I am! Is this where Ugg got their idea?

Yeah. Running! Plants! Go to your cupboard and press A. There’s a lot of [shark shoes] in that cupboard. “You found a blue ruby! It’s worth five rupees! Better drop it in your wallet for now!” How.. how big is my wallet? Is it like a Time Lord’s wallet? Yeah. Where it’s bigger on the inside? Yeah. Yussss! So in this game when I want to reach something on the top shelf do I still have to run into the bookshelf? Yeah. But you can’t. But I want that weird bird! So I can smash it. You can get quite a bit of exercise [running in circles]. This is quite a bit room. That rug is bigger than my bed. That pillow is ridiculous. You’re making Zelda wait as you do laps around your bedroom. I know but this is… I need to get … why do I have such girly pots? Do you think Link really dressed his room? Or do you think Zelda did? Zelda’s been in his room? Umm. They live in the same building. So she just sneaks in and puts flowerpots in his room? What kind of psycho[bullwinkle] is this? ...I really like running in circles. I noticed. “Keep your sleeping quarters tidy!” Keep your face tidy. Did Zelda decorate this place with flowers, too? Flowers… flowers… It looks like Rapunzel painted it. Do I want to go to those rooms? I’m going to let you explore for a while. What is happening? I want a better view of what… okay. I did not see what he was doing. All I saw was a pointy eared thing. What is it doing!? Leave the barrel alone! [And so I meet Fledge.]

“Good morning, Aimsters. Today’s the big wing ceremony, right?” Stop reminding me. “I wanted to fly, too, but I… I didn’t make the cut. So I’m stuck back here at the academy.” That’s because you look like a [blarney stone]. Just because he’s got so much blush on! But it’s like symmetrically circled, like he’s dressing up as a doll for Halloween. Also, his scarf is weird. Also, look at his pants! “Plus I’ve gotta move these barrels to the kitchen!” I’m glad you're not coming, weird eyes. Okay, now there’s two ways you want to dispose of pots. I’m exercising! Deadlifting! Now throw it. Pick it up and put it down. Now turn around. Now put your Wiimote down, but it has to be straight down, and then bowl it. So you have two ways to dispose of pots. Can I hit that guy? [After some trial and error, my good friend teaches me how to throw pots at my new cowardly friend's head.] Heh-heh-heh, I scared you! “Oh thanks, I didn’t think you had time to help me out, Aimsters.” I was just throwing pots around the room! “Really? Thanks, okay, soo… I love you… I need you to carry one of these BARRELS over to the old lady who works in the kitchen.” The reason I said ‘barrels’ like that, me in future, is because it’s highlighted red. Old lady, hey? “We’ll get in huge trouble if any of these barrels break. So don’t even think about throwing or rolling them.” Did you not just see me throwing pots around the room? You have to watch your stamina. You might have to put the barrel down. Press A. Now wait for your stamina to fill back up. The stamina looks a lot like a lime cut in half. You’ll also notice that she is very bird-like. Now just put it in front of her. Put it down. Talk to her. Oh, she’s terrifying. “Oh, Aimsters. You’re delivering something for me. That was supposed to be Fledge’s job!” Yeah, he’s a punk. “Anyhow, just bring the BARREL here, yes here.” I already brought it! You have to bring the other one now. Oh. [And so begins a very exciting session of me moving barrels from the hallway into the kitchen. Are you riveted yet, dear readers?] What happens if I run out of stamina? You get exhausted. Can I try it? Yeah. I hope it doesn’t break the barrel, though. You might want to do it after. Just put it down for now. Talk to her. Why? Because, you just delivered to her. “Oh Aimsters….” You have to move them closer to her. Can I put them on her? “What’s all this? I thought I told Fledge to carry that. It’s probably for the best. That skinny boy would probably have gotten flattened. Say, don’t you have some important ceremony or some such today. Humph! Well, thanks for the help!” "Ha-yoooy!" I wonder how I’m going to type that out. Okay, if you want to run faster, hold in A. Once again, here’s your stamina bar. I’m going to try and get exhausted! So. Future me, listening to this, when you run out of stamina, the lime turns into a blood orange and your shoulders hunch like you're an awkward tall girl in middle school. [to my friend] Do you want me to go up these stairs? [Found another door. And things got weird.] What’s this room? The restroom! This is awkward. 

Can you actually go to the bathroom? You can sit! This is awkward. 'Cause your pants are still on, Aimsters. You realize you’re going to [soil] yourself. [flushes] You shat yourself! Uhh that’s so disturbing. Here’s the thing, even though it’d be disgusting if it were accurately portrayed, I still have problems with the fact that he’s wearing his pants. [flushes] How many times did he go? Also, I did not see a flusher. Do they have plumbing here? If they have plumbing, where’s the sink… oh, there it is. “Clean hands are happy hands!” You know what else is happy? NOT [SHATTING] YOUR PANTS ON THE TOILET! A broom? How much of a mess do you people make?! That you need a giant broom and a wash bucket. You’re supposed to go on the toilet! Not in your pants and then trudge around the room! Ugh.. sickos. See in Majora’s Mask, which is the one that comes after Ocharina of Time, they invented a new character and his name is several question marks in a row and he’s a hand that comes out of the toilet and asks for paper, and you give him paper and then he disappears. Does he time his hand coming out of the toilet with you not being on the toilet? He only comes out at night. Yeah, but what if you have a midnight pee break! Awkward! Know what else is awkward? The fact that I came out of the bathroom and Fledge is staring at me. You’re a weirdo, man! Do people fall off the edge of this falling island in the sky? Yes. Okay. It’s called Skyloft, future me. Which sounds like a kind of real estate in Vancouver. Right beside Sudden Valley. Bird statue!


Tune in next time I get around to transcribing more of that glorious video. And then tune in again in the future when I get around to transcribing an hour of me playing Chrono Trigger.

Part two!