The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword on Wii, part two of a two hour transcription

If you're wondering what I mean by "part two," you should probably do a better job of keeping up with my blog. Or you can read my logic behind a transcribed gaming session here. Join me as we continue the journey through my pathetic Wii skills as I roam around the strange world of Skyloft with the guidance of my friend. 

Once again, I'm in the default colour and my friend is all exciting and blue or maybe turquoise. Cyanide! No wait, that's not a colour ... cyan? 

Bird statue. What do I wanna do?

Save.

Really? I haven’t done anything. Oh, I moved barrels. Bloo-doo-doop-doo-doo-doop! [my attempt at the saving noises] This game is gonna take me all frickin' day.

It’s gonna be so awesome.

[a low voice in the game] "Heeeey!" What is calling me?

“Good morning Aimsters! Today’s finally the day of the long-awaited Wing Ceremony!” YOU’RE THE FOURTH PERSON TO TELL ME! “Are you feeling ready? Oh I just remembered. There’s something I’d like to ask you about. Look this way while pressing and holding Z and then press A to have a quick chat with me.” That’s … specific. “Excellent! Always remember, you can press Z to target something!” This is a weird conversation, professor! “Once you have targeted something with Z, you can easily talk to him or her by pressing A.” OR YOU COULD JUST HAVE A CONVERSATION! “Even when there isn’t anything to target, pressing Z is an easy way to quickly face your view forward.” Or … stop talking to me you weirdo. “But it’s a little silly to carry on a conversation from this distance, why don’t you just come join me up here?” So you can murder me? “You should be able to climb up if you DASH up to the top of the wooden box, don’t you think?” Is that a euphemism? “Move while holding A to dash. You should be able to make that dash fairly easy. Try climbing up here!”

I just noticed that instead of spikes on top of those bars there, they’re birds. 

Oh my gash. Overkill, Skyloft! What am I doing?

Remember how you ran? Go over to the bird statue and face the blocks and then hold A and then just run at them.

Oooooookay. Oh.

You have to be closer. Yeah. Parkour parkour.

Parkour parkour. Okay. Let’s do this. [background of Link’s grunting noises]

“So what do you think? Using A to dash is useful, isn’t it?” Shut up, you weird Avatar! “However, you dashed around so much that you tire yourself out. Your stamina gauge will empty and you will be out of breath and it will turn a blood orange colour.”

“It’s best to take a little break when your stamina gauge gets empty.” Seriously, he looks like one of the Avatar things.

He does.

“Got all that? Onto the next point!” I wonder if he puts on makeup to cover up the blue.

He’s tall enough.

Like he’s a refugee from the Avatar land … I haven’t seen Avatar. “You can jump a short distance like this just by moving toward it! I like to call it… THE AUTO JUMP!” Ah yes, Auto Jump. Good times. I remember this one time in band camp in Avatar land, we were playing the pan flutes and this one little [bongo] … okay. What am I doing?

Hold in A and run toward that ledge. 

Am I gonna miss it?

Well, it depends on if you aim yourself properly. AIM-sters.

Ha-ha-ha-ha. I don’t get it.

That talk bubble above his head means you have to talk to him again.

Ugh. “So what are you up to? Rushing to get some last minute bird-riding practice?” BIRD RIDING? “Oh, you have someone to meet? Ah, Zelda’s waiting for you isn’t she …” How do you know this, creepy professor? Is that professor a man or a woman?

A man.

Pretty low cut shirt for a man. “You see Zelda’s father, headmaster Gaepora” … GAY-pora? Like Gay-org?

[For years I thought Captain Von Trapp's first name was Gayorg. It's not. It's Georg.] 

Kaepora Gaebora is the name of the owl. So they combined his names and made Zelda’s father Gaepora.

“...has a pet named Mia and, well, she scampered off again.” This is really exciting news, professor! “Look! There she is! Over there, do you see her?” HOW DO YOU SEE THAT? There are two roofs and she’s on top of a flat roof like … so many feet above you. This doesn’t make any sense. “The headmaster is so busy working with Zelda for the Wing Ceremony, I thought that maybe I should feed her.” Zelda? “But the ceremony is about to start.”

Mia.

“And I just put on a fresh set of clothes and, well, you see, will you help me out and go retrieve Mia for me?” Why not. “Fantastic! So you’ll do it?!" Question mark, exclamation mark?! “I know you’re in a hurry, but I really appreciate you taking the time to help.” I’m a very helpful person! And I’m counting up all these favours for other people so that I can get it back. “I’m terribly sorry but I know you’re quite the climber. I really do appreciate it.” I’m gonna fall off the roof.

Okay, so, you’re going to run at …

Can’t I just go through a door?

No.You’re gonna run at that ledge, no no no, to the right, against the wall.

What?

See there’s that ledge?

Oh, that one.

Yeah, you’re gonna run at it, okay, move to the left.

[Burst of laughter at the sight of Link shimmying his way from roof to roof. It was a weird laugh. I'd never heard myself laugh like that before. It was a little embarrassing. Again, this video will be shared with no one.]

Keep moving, now shake your right hand. Hurry … you have to keep moving, and shake. Okay let go. Let your stamina fill up.

Running and jumping?

Yup.

Oh, I missed! [Flipflopping handbaskets]. Not worth it.

No, you need to rescue Mia.

Ugh. [Link grunting] Whoa, whoa. No! Umm… [ship] monkeys! I just smashed into a window ledge. Why did I agree to this?

You’ll get it.

Will I? Why am I so close? [Link grunting] Herp hup!

He’s so attractive.

ARGGHHH! I completely missed! [Floating herbivores]! It’s going to take me an hour to get up and save this damn bird.

It’s a cat!

Oh, I thought it was a bird. I missed!

You don’t think a bird could fly?

Well, I thought it was an injured bird. Why’d I just do that? [stern look of concentration on my face] Okaaaay Aimsters.

Yay!

I did iiiiiiit.

[Link grunting.]

[Link panting.]

[Future Amy feeling uncomfortable with the noises.]

Is this far enough away?

Yeah.

Is that straight?

Not quite.

Like that?

No, see you’re tilted to the right a little.

Like that?

It’s easier if you start from further back. And you’ll have time to readjust your course. Now press … just run it.

Okay. Now what?

Climb up the vines. So you kind of run at the wall and … there you go. And you can shake to jump forward.

“Heeeey!” Uggggh. What! Who’s talking to me? What are you ... You can’t even see me! How do you see the bird [correction: cat]? This is classic you not being able to see the bird [cat]. This viewpoint right here. [Armpit]. Okay I get it. Stop it. I don’t care. Is that where I want to move it?

All the way to the wall. 

Yeah, but … [Link grunting] Okay. Now I just.

Step away from it and then run up it.

Run up it?

Yeah, with A.

[cat’s meow] Can I throw this weird cat?

Yeah, throw it off the edge, though. 

See you, cat! [waving Wiimote in the air] I wanna throw it!

Oh, maybe it won’t let you. You’ll get an opportunity to later.

“Aimsters! Stop throwing the cat! You still don’t get it?”

[I try throwing it again.]

“Aimsters! You still don’t get it?”

[Try throwing again.]

“Aimsters!”

How many times are you going to do this? 

Ahhh, so many. What do I do?

Bring Mia …

And jump off the edge?

Yup. You have no problem jumping off of roofs. To the right.

“Nice work, you’ve brought her back safe and sound!” You were just yelling at me like two seconds ago with your weird vision that can see everything, you creepy avatar.

I like that he’s got Mia on his belt.

Oh my goodness, he does! You are strangely attached to this cat. “Sorry for troubling you with this ... I know you’re busy!” Why do you have such a problem feeding this cat? Do you have to like kill a bird to feed it or something? “Please tell the headmaster that we found his pet! He should be up by the statue of the goddess!” So I wanna go there.

Yeah.

Hey look, stairs! “I believe Zelda is there with him, so you should hurry along!” I don’t like her. Why do people make me like her? What’s this? “You got a stamina fruit!” What’s that thing? Do I want to talk to it yet?

If it’s got a thing above its head, yes.

WHOA! “Morning Aimsters, how’s life? Did you manage to get an even wink of sleep last night?” That’s not even a phrase. That doesn’t make any sense you weird French Jean Claude Van Damme type thing with elf ears and a mustache that goes up around the nose in a U shape. [In a sultry voice] “Figured you might’ve been tossing and turning all night thinking about the big ceremony today.” Is it weird when I say it like that? [sultry voice again] “What am I doing? Oh, just fixing this gate here.” He’s not wearing a shirt above his belt. [sultry voice] “It’s been squeaky lately. Know what I mean? And we can’t have that on the day of the ceremony.”

He’s got a wife and daughter.

...Ladies. “Hey you haven’t already forgotten to send your prayers to the goddess this morning.” Why when he said “send your prayers” did he do a Thor hammer punch to his hand? “Just face the bird statue over there and say a short prayer to save your progress.” Really? [sultry voice] "As you know those bird statues are all over Skyloft and blah blah blahblahblahblahblahblah ... Hey-hey-hey-hey!” Hey-hey-hey-hey! Oh, fruit. Where’s that bird?

You don’t need to. You already did it.

I don’t think I’m even walking on the stairs. Or maybe I am. [sound of footsteps] I really like my exercise! I like being so fit! I could not do that in real life. I’m all about the fruit! I have to pee.

You can’t until the cinematic scene is over.

I’m waiting for Mufasa to hold up Simba and all the elephants go “ooooh-aaaahhh!” [I'm not great at the elephant noises. You might've guessed.]

Sorry you’re just going to get a little bit of a love story.

SHE’S THE WORST! Oh, brother … can I skip this?

Nope.

[big sigh] This is painful.

[Zelda singing]

Can I pee?

No, you have to watch this.

I don’t want to.

You have to.

[Zelda giggling] She’s a giggler? “Flam-fleem-fla-floo-flee. I’m glad to see my loftwing got you out of bed.” Your what? Is that a euphemism? “I was pretty sure you’d sleep in and forget to meet me this morning. You’re pretty unreliable.” [Zelda giggles] “But look at this instrument! And look at this outfit! They’re mine to use today in the ceremony since I’ll be playing the role of the goddess. I don’t care about you and your weird pants ... Aren’t they beautiful? Especially this instrument!” Why does she keep showing him her instrument? “They tell me it’s just like the one the goddess is said to have in the legends.”

Maybe it has importance to the game! 

Maybe! I can’t stop staring at it apparently. “It sounds gorgeous too.” They forgot a comma. “I asked father about it and he said it’s called a HARP.” Harp. Harpy! “Look at these clothes! I made this wrap myself and we get to use it in today’s ceremony!” How many times does the ceremony get mentioned? You could make a drinking game out of how many times they say ceremony and be plastered before you even have time to save with a bird. “I got up early this morning because I wanted you to be the first to see me like this, Aimsters!” Why would you get up early if you know he sleeps in? “How do I look?” she says. To which I respond: “Uhhh really? You know, maybe it does look a little weird.” Ha-ha! Made her feel insecure. “Ah, there you are Zelda. Are you all prepared for today’s… CEREMONY?”

[I go to the bathroom and return from the bathroom. You may find it odd that I kept this detail in here, but it's important for the following interaction.]

First of all, your toilet paper dispenser is broken.

No it’s not!

Yes it is! I tried extending it. That’s what she said. Second of all, Link. I at least know how to use a toilet! Because you pull your pants down before you use it!

It is broken.

I told you!

How’d that happen?

“Oh, hello father!”

You’re going to love his face.

Is it anything like creepy Gaston’s face?

Just wait.

I see a hand. “Ah, Aimsters. you're here too. Outstanding!” WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIS FACE? He’s got a unibrow the shape of a harp. Is anyone else recognizing the fact that his unibrow is the exact shape of the harp? “It’s encouraging to see you up so early given your capacity for sleep.” How annoyed is Link? “And no doubt today’s CEREMONY…” So everyone has mentioned the ceremony and/or his sleeping in.

“You’ll get to participate in the post race ritual with Zelda,” unibrow dad says. Really? “Father, I don't know if he can do it!” This is awkward. Look how awkward Link is. Oh man. “And even when he’s riding his loftwing, he’s just lazily gliding around probably daydreaming.” What a [banshee]! Is this because I told her her outfit was “Uhhh …”? “I don’t know what he’s thinking! He’s going to have to be in perfect control of his bird to win today.” Yeah, be in control of your bird, man.

“Hmm…” says her unibrow dad. “You see Aimsters and his loftwing share a special connection. I’ve never seen anything quite like it.” It’s like they’re married. Sorry, Zelda. He’s an interspeciesist. “He is but one half of a pair.” And you’re not Link’s other half. His bird is. It’s like a guy being really into his car. “We’re only made whole by our loftwings! ... Ahhh, but the first meeting between Aimsters and his loftwing was extRAORdinary! Look at my unibrow ... Blah blah blah ... boy and his bird share a profound connection…” Link’s like, “Why am I hearing about this again? You guys are the worst!” And she’s all, “I wish I was the bird!”

“The little boy just hopped on his bird and gracefully flew away without even a moment of instruction. They were meant for each other.” MFEO. “And judging by how jealous you were that day, I think the friendship with his bird didn’t go unnoticed by you, m’dear. As you keep staring at him. With your square eyes.” She’s got square eyes. Rhombus-ish. Weird eyeliner placement! You’re supposed to get right on the lash line ... So unibrow man talks with a “hoo-hoo” laugh?

Yeah, he’s an owl basically. 

Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo. Hoo-hoo. Hoo. Did he just fall asleep? “Blah blah blah, knights of skyloft!” Remember: cleanliness is next to knightliness!

You’re getting it!

I’m remembering. “If Aimsters doesn’t fly fast enough during the race, he/she will die. And shemale, I’ll miss him/her.” She is high-strung. Also, she doesn’t understand ponytails. Ponytails go at the nape of the neck, it’s not like the bottom chunk of the ends that you just wrap together! What good is that doing? Her single-browed dad says, “Honestly it’s like you become a completely different person when you worry about Aimsters.” ‘Cause she’s bipolar! *Sheepish look away.* "I don’t understand ponytails ... You better fly your heart out today! At the very least you could squeeze a little practice time in before the race!” She is such a nag! And now she’s just dragging him by the hand? Do you want to be the Zelda in this scenario? Do you want to be the nag to this poor guy who doesn’t know how to talk because you keep interrupting him? And then you push him? Is this your dream?

I don't want to be Zelda. I like Link.

“You can’t sense your bird out there? Hmm? Hmm? Oh, I get it. You’re trying to weasel out of having practice. Nice try. But you’re not fooling me!” Push! Push him off! Off you go. [Link falling] Is this that awkward moment when the bird doesn’t show up? Come on, Lord of the Rings eagles! We need you! To save us at the last moment even though you could’ve just flown us to Mordor right away. “Hmm. His bird sure is taking a long time. Something’s wrong!” Did she just jump off, too?

Yep.

Does she have a parachute?

No! See, her belt matches his collar, for her to hang onto. 

Oh, I see. “Hang in there Aimsters! I’ve got you! Sorry for pushing you off when you were clearly not prepared to do so because you knew something was wrong because you were staring into the sky every time we looked at you because you couldn’t find your bird!”

“Are you two alright?” unibrow man asks. Your daughter is crazy, sir. Lock her up. “I didn’t mean to push you so hard!” Zelda says. Do you think pushing him less hard would have not made him fall off into the sky?

No, no no. She means the bird.

Ohh. Oh, she’s not even apologizing to Link. “That’s very odd, Aimsters. What could have possibly happened to your loftwing? For a bird to ignore the call of his master, it’s unheard of!” What if the bird is like, “Ehh, I’m taking a break and I really just wanted some downtime and …” No, I can’t sense my bird nearby, Mr. Unibrow. “Wing ceremony is about to start!”

Zelda finally apologizes. “Aimsters, when you said you couldn't sense your loftwing, I should've believe you and, well, I’m sorry.” Apology not accepted! “I need to tend to my own loftwing so I’ll catch up with you later.” Still. Apology not accepted. Shut up, weirdo. Also, his legs are so tiny! The headmaster’s legs do not make any sense.

Because he looks like a bird!

Yeah, but his face looks like a harp!

Join me again whenever I get around to spending an evening watching a video of myself and transcribing the ridiculous things my friend and I say. 

The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword on Wii, part one of a two hour transcription

So, I decided that since it would be difficult for me to play Skyward Sword on Wii and also type out this particular entry, I thought it would be a brilliant idea to record myself talking through the game and then transcribe it. Genius! Of course this is the best option! ...The only problem is that means I have over two hours of webcam footage (which the world will never see because zombie-playing on Wii is not a look that should be broadcast) that I now have to listen to and write out. It takes a while. Also, in writing it all out again, I have learned that I have a very short attention span when thinking aloud. I promise I'm not an idiot, but you may get that impression from reading the following dialogue between myself and my gamer friend. For the sake of reading ease, I've put my friend in this italicized fun colour and left me the reliable default. I apologize for the length of the idiocy you may or may not choose to read. And for the record, this bit is only the first twenty minutes of me playing. Feel my pain. 

[Choosing my character name, an activity that I now know takes some time no matter what game I play.] More!? More characters. I do love me a semi-colon, but, ampersand for the win! Divided by… almost sounds like provided by. You know? Almost. Hey that’s a … flat … sharp! I don’t remember music signs. Cents, euro, pound, yen… Registered trademark? A whole bunch of letters I don’t know. Those are your Greek alphabet. I don’t care! Aaaaand question mark! Okay. [Main titles pop up:] There are red trees. I’m going to describe what I see. Weird leaves… This could be Pan’s forest island thing. You do realize you’re going to have to listen to this again. Why? Well because this is your notes. You’re going to have to listen to your— Oh this! I thought you meant the game. No, I’m fine with listening to myself because I don’t have a weird voice. Just sound like my sister! It’s totally fine. It went black and there was a monster. And red like James Bond movies. The title, that is. Not the monster. Don’t think there are any red monsters in James Bond. That wasn’t even the title; that was just celebrating the 25th anniversary. We should probably record me talking about a James Bond movie. Yeah! [To fill you in, dear reader, we've gotten into a habit of watching old James Bond movies so I can make fun of them. To sum up: there are a lot of battles in places there shouldn't be battles – like in outer space or under water.] Red bird! The collar… do birds have collars? Necklaces! It should be hanging a bit more, unless it’s flying SO FAST that it’s plastered against its chest. Hey look! It’s Asgard!

They have a reason. They have a reason? Yeah. It would be so embarrassing if one bird didn’t show up and that person just dove expecting to land on their bird and then the Lord of the Rings eagles didn’t show up. You know the ones that just save everything. Yeah. It’s so peaceful! ...Holy [shenanigans] those are big birds! I guess they did jump on them… Is this when Harry Potter gets his letter? Yeah. From the owl? Yeah. So when it leaves this magical realm and enters the world’s magical realm, does it turn into an owl to blend in? Yes. Do you notice all the bird statues? Yeah. I know, but they’re not owls. They’re some weird toucan. They basically look like it. They do not look like owls! Have you seen an owl? Yeah but, oh, you don’t know Zelda birds then. I don’t know Zelda birds. I don’t know Zelda anything… [sings] That person looks awkward! I’m uncomfortable! In Ocarina of Time, and other games, too, you have this owl companion and he’s so annoying and Zelda’s dad and the teachers look like owls— “Rise, Aimsters! The time has come for you to awaken!” …They all look like owls? Yeah, just wait until – they look like birds. You know what it’s rising like? [gestures to TV] What? A Marxist regime. [This is a look into the kind of priceless humour we share. When we were making waffles one time, I asked why there was so much baking soda in the recipe, and my friend told me it was because the waffles needed to rise like a Marxist regime and then she doubled over laughing.] [airily dramatic] “You are fated to have a hand in a great destiny.” That’s some bad syntax, guys. “And it will soon find you!” [gibberish] “The time has come for you to awaken!” ... Is that what Aimsters is? In whatever language this is? … I’M A MONSTERRRR! This person looks Scandinavian. In his garb. He can have a pet reindeer. Okay… that bird just completely attacked… me. Is that me? Yeah. He just threw me on the ground. What a [bunny]. Also, could’ve landed on the bed, bird. You were an inch away from the bed, but instead I’m hanging half off the bed, ya [banjo] … What kind of [shawarma-y] pillow is that? This bird is the worst! Also, its feathers have got to be bigger than that. That bird is massive. I’m wearing a lot of eyeliner. “Hey sleepyhead, I know how much you like to sleep in so I’m guessing this letter would be your alarm clock this morning. Did I guess right?” What kind of [punk-armed benchwarmer] is writing this letter? Zelda! “Rise and shine, Aimsters! Today’s the Wing Ceremony! You promised to meet me before it staaarts! Remember?” She is clingy. She’s even clingier in this than she was in Legend of Zelda when she was like on my tail, walking around. “You better not keep me waiting!” Nagging [buffalo]. I can’t use this language when I actually post this.
[As you can see, I chose to replace my language with other fun words. Enjoy the censorship.]
[sighs] I’m wearing so much eyeliner, it hurts. [Time passes. Things are mumbled. Back to the "action"...] What’s happening? ...Gear? … Help. Plus… minus… Okay. Left hand. [dutifully put my left hand up] Throttle. Whoa! Heh-heh-heh! ...I’m just running around the room. Window! … It looks like I’m moonwalking into the wall. Am I wearing Ugg boots? I’m pretty sure I am! Is this where Ugg got their idea?

Yeah. Running! Plants! Go to your cupboard and press A. There’s a lot of [shark shoes] in that cupboard. “You found a blue ruby! It’s worth five rupees! Better drop it in your wallet for now!” How.. how big is my wallet? Is it like a Time Lord’s wallet? Yeah. Where it’s bigger on the inside? Yeah. Yussss! So in this game when I want to reach something on the top shelf do I still have to run into the bookshelf? Yeah. But you can’t. But I want that weird bird! So I can smash it. You can get quite a bit of exercise [running in circles]. This is quite a bit room. That rug is bigger than my bed. That pillow is ridiculous. You’re making Zelda wait as you do laps around your bedroom. I know but this is… I need to get … why do I have such girly pots? Do you think Link really dressed his room? Or do you think Zelda did? Zelda’s been in his room? Umm. They live in the same building. So she just sneaks in and puts flowerpots in his room? What kind of psycho[bullwinkle] is this? ...I really like running in circles. I noticed. “Keep your sleeping quarters tidy!” Keep your face tidy. Did Zelda decorate this place with flowers, too? Flowers… flowers… It looks like Rapunzel painted it. Do I want to go to those rooms? I’m going to let you explore for a while. What is happening? I want a better view of what… okay. I did not see what he was doing. All I saw was a pointy eared thing. What is it doing!? Leave the barrel alone! [And so I meet Fledge.]

“Good morning, Aimsters. Today’s the big wing ceremony, right?” Stop reminding me. “I wanted to fly, too, but I… I didn’t make the cut. So I’m stuck back here at the academy.” That’s because you look like a [blarney stone]. Just because he’s got so much blush on! But it’s like symmetrically circled, like he’s dressing up as a doll for Halloween. Also, his scarf is weird. Also, look at his pants! “Plus I’ve gotta move these barrels to the kitchen!” I’m glad you're not coming, weird eyes. Okay, now there’s two ways you want to dispose of pots. I’m exercising! Deadlifting! Now throw it. Pick it up and put it down. Now turn around. Now put your Wiimote down, but it has to be straight down, and then bowl it. So you have two ways to dispose of pots. Can I hit that guy? [After some trial and error, my good friend teaches me how to throw pots at my new cowardly friend's head.] Heh-heh-heh, I scared you! “Oh thanks, I didn’t think you had time to help me out, Aimsters.” I was just throwing pots around the room! “Really? Thanks, okay, soo… I love you… I need you to carry one of these BARRELS over to the old lady who works in the kitchen.” The reason I said ‘barrels’ like that, me in future, is because it’s highlighted red. Old lady, hey? “We’ll get in huge trouble if any of these barrels break. So don’t even think about throwing or rolling them.” Did you not just see me throwing pots around the room? You have to watch your stamina. You might have to put the barrel down. Press A. Now wait for your stamina to fill back up. The stamina looks a lot like a lime cut in half. You’ll also notice that she is very bird-like. Now just put it in front of her. Put it down. Talk to her. Oh, she’s terrifying. “Oh, Aimsters. You’re delivering something for me. That was supposed to be Fledge’s job!” Yeah, he’s a punk. “Anyhow, just bring the BARREL here, yes here.” I already brought it! You have to bring the other one now. Oh. [And so begins a very exciting session of me moving barrels from the hallway into the kitchen. Are you riveted yet, dear readers?] What happens if I run out of stamina? You get exhausted. Can I try it? Yeah. I hope it doesn’t break the barrel, though. You might want to do it after. Just put it down for now. Talk to her. Why? Because, you just delivered to her. “Oh Aimsters….” You have to move them closer to her. Can I put them on her? “What’s all this? I thought I told Fledge to carry that. It’s probably for the best. That skinny boy would probably have gotten flattened. Say, don’t you have some important ceremony or some such today. Humph! Well, thanks for the help!” "Ha-yoooy!" I wonder how I’m going to type that out. Okay, if you want to run faster, hold in A. Once again, here’s your stamina bar. I’m going to try and get exhausted! So. Future me, listening to this, when you run out of stamina, the lime turns into a blood orange and your shoulders hunch like you're an awkward tall girl in middle school. [to my friend] Do you want me to go up these stairs? [Found another door. And things got weird.] What’s this room? The restroom! This is awkward. 

Can you actually go to the bathroom? You can sit! This is awkward. 'Cause your pants are still on, Aimsters. You realize you’re going to [soil] yourself. [flushes] You shat yourself! Uhh that’s so disturbing. Here’s the thing, even though it’d be disgusting if it were accurately portrayed, I still have problems with the fact that he’s wearing his pants. [flushes] How many times did he go? Also, I did not see a flusher. Do they have plumbing here? If they have plumbing, where’s the sink… oh, there it is. “Clean hands are happy hands!” You know what else is happy? NOT [SHATTING] YOUR PANTS ON THE TOILET! A broom? How much of a mess do you people make?! That you need a giant broom and a wash bucket. You’re supposed to go on the toilet! Not in your pants and then trudge around the room! Ugh.. sickos. See in Majora’s Mask, which is the one that comes after Ocharina of Time, they invented a new character and his name is several question marks in a row and he’s a hand that comes out of the toilet and asks for paper, and you give him paper and then he disappears. Does he time his hand coming out of the toilet with you not being on the toilet? He only comes out at night. Yeah, but what if you have a midnight pee break! Awkward! Know what else is awkward? The fact that I came out of the bathroom and Fledge is staring at me. You’re a weirdo, man! Do people fall off the edge of this falling island in the sky? Yes. Okay. It’s called Skyloft, future me. Which sounds like a kind of real estate in Vancouver. Right beside Sudden Valley. Bird statue!


Tune in next time I get around to transcribing more of that glorious video. And then tune in again in the future when I get around to transcribing an hour of me playing Chrono Trigger.

Part two!

Tales of Symphonia, [almost] level one

Something's happening. That looks like Paris.

It seems I'm about to play an anime game. There's a tree. A guy with a sword. A fairy in fire. Rock giants – where's Thor? – and a whole lot of giant eyeballs.

And spiky hair.

A field. It reminds me of the opening of A Goofy Movie when Roxanne is calling for Max in his dream and he has to run across the field. I don't think that's going to be the same thing for this video game. I mean, it should, but I'm not playing A Goofy Movie: The Video Game.

I'm playing Tales of Symphonia, a RPG game that puts an emphasis on story with anime graphics.

There's a feather falling into a forest pond and now we start... Wish me luck, world.

Thankfully, because my friend has already played this game, my current experience level is 10x the starting level. Which means I can do things that I wouldn't normally be able to do. I've got a leg-up. Is that gamer terminology? Probably not. Is it sports related? Who knows.

Note to self: look up where "leg-up" comes from.

Google tells me "leg up" is to give "assistance in mounting a horse or high object."

It's from horseback riding! Of course! (Is that a sport? ... Note to self: look up if horseback riding is technically a sport.)

Ooooh! Someone's narrating to me. He sounds handsome. Or old. Or boring. No, he sounds kind of boring. But I like that I don't have to read. Gives me a break from when I have to read other things, you know like magazines or take-out menus.

A tower that reaches to the heavens? So Babel was completed in this world? Is this alt-earth or something? Perhaps a Fringe-like situation? Or maybe Once Upon a Time, with Jefferson getting mad at Emma for being so arrogant as to think their world is the only one.

YESSSSSS! My name is Lloyd! I love the name Lloyd. It's so unassuming and ordinary and hilarious. It's like having a punchline for a name.

(Lloyd Dobler from Say Anything.)

"How do you manage to sleep standing?" the professor asks me.

Turns out I'm a narcoleptic character.

And I'm wearing a dazzling red coat. Not to be confused with a redcoat.

If I'm part of this class, why exactly am I standing sleeping in the back holding buckets of water? If I'm the class dunce, then do the proper thing and throw a cap on my head and put me in the corner, but turning me into the water boy when everyone knows I have a sleeping problem? It seems odd. What if I drown in the well? Foolish Professor Raine!

"Settle down," the professor says to me, the sleeping water boy who said "What is that?" and the Chosen One who turned her head toward the window. Seems like a fairly strict classroom environment. No emotions allowed! Silence only! All explained in a very soft tone of voice!

So the regeneration of the world is upon us and these people are taking a very British approach to all of it. Keep calm and carry on with your studies in your classrooms – even the Chosen One, Colette. There's no need to make a big deal or change voice intonations to  show enthusiasm.

Even when I was in school and there was an earthquake, students made a big deal out of it. And this is the regeneration of the world. Seems like they'd at least get a half day.

The one student in the class tells me we should leave everything to the professor and wait here.

"I have a feeling I'm not supposed to leave everything to the professor and wait here," I say out loud.

"Ah, so you learned our lesson from Zelda, eh?" my friend tells me. And it seems I have. Look at that! Personal growth!

This Chosen One is easy to persuade.

Lloyd: "Colette, you're coming too, right?"

Colette: "...Huh? Um, okay."

Pssh. What a pushover.

Colette: "Are you curious about it?"

Lloyd: "Of course!"

Colette: "Okay, then I'll be curious about it, too."

What is wrong with her?

"Colette and Genis joined the party." Woooot! It's gonna be a party now! Party hats all 'round! Oh wait, that would severely mess up the video game hair. No party hats, guys! Sorry!

It seems this game has borrowed the Italian Job definition of "fine": freaked out, insecure, neurotic and emotional.

I'm now learning how to battle things that randomly come up to me in a field and most of the things look a lot like the misunderstood dragon in How to Train Your Dragon but then in battle I'm up against a wolf, an eagle and a rabbit. These are tricky shape-shifting dragons, but more importantly I'm not sweating and freaking out and pressing all kinds of buttons. I know which button to press and I press it. And I move while pressing it. I'm so impressed with myself.

Oh, except that apparently I'm not pressing the right buttons because these little battles are slowly killing me. Whoops.

Maybe I should learn how to use my shield.

As we wait to head into the temple, Genis and I feel the need to take the time to tell Colette to smarten up and act a little more like a Chosen One and a little less like an idiot.

In so many words.

The pastor floats down the stairs as if he's fake-walking on an escalator and then drops in front of us.

I feel like this story is about to get a touch more interesting.

I'm given the choice to accompany Colette into the temple or to wait for her outside, and I feel like if anything is going to happen, I should probably accompany her and be a hero or whatever.

It's exhausting.

I'd much rather go home and put my feet up.

I would probably be a terrible hero. I fear I'd be the Ed rather than the Shaun of the story.

"I get nervous when Lloyd's not around," Colette says. Aww she's in love! Or co-dependent. Or I'm choosing the right options to make this girl fall in love with me. Heroism is an attractive quality.

Colette just fell into what looks like a giant Once Upon a Time Pandora's box. She just fell, standing there.

After throwing some boxes through the holes in the ground in the wrong spots and then continuing to battle Mr. Rock by jumping into his arms (again, damaging myself as I seem wont to do), we eventually get some Sorcerer's ring and make it through the temple and now an angel Remiel is telling us how he's going to help Colette get to the heavens as the seventh Chosen or something.

I care less and less about this story as I play it.

"From this moment, Colette becomes the Chosen of Regeneration."

And now I just want to watch Doctor Who.

It also seems as though Colette may be going through a small identity crisis since she just found out the guy who looks to be about twelve in the village isn't her father – it's this floating angel dude with a hat that could have been borrowed from the costume department of Frozen.

Well, maybe she's okay. Colette: "I'm all right. I was just a little surprised, that's all."

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my GOSH! What is Professor Raine doing to that boy and why is the music so peppy? They're getting spanked? Is this ... is this happening?

Professor Raine: "...You're next, Lloyd. Are you ready?"

... I'm so sorry, Lloyd. I tried to make you run. I didn't think you'd be kicked in the face by your teacher!

ACROSS THE ROOM!

What the sorcerer's ring is going on?

Good news, though. The regeneration of the world is cause enough for a half-day!

And once everyone gets back to the village, Lloyd gets to endure the awkwardness of (a) being told by Kratos that he'll just get in the way and he's an insolent, annoying child and (b) that he forgot about Colette's birthday and the necklace he was going to make her. Thankfully she's dumb enough to believe his lie that it's almost done.

Stupid girl.

Also, this "dog" is annoying. It just whines over and over and over again. And why does it have ears like some kind of desert animal with a dip-dyed tail?

Shut up, Noishe!

A Desian tells Marble, the old woman, "Hey, old hag! What the hell you doin' over there?" And I'm suddenly scandalized by the language and then my friend tells me it's rated T. T for inappropriate language and subject material that may not be appropriate for younger audiences – like human ranches.

And to see if Marble's okay after the Desians come and get her, I run with Genis to run up to higher ground and see what's happening.

The old woman is being whipped.

I think I'm too young for this subject material.

That awkward moment you find out how your mother died because your dwarf father yelled it at you and then swung to punch you in the face and when you run out of your house, you see Colette, Genis, Professor Raine and Kratos all standing there, having overheard everything that just happened.

I love that people here think in ellipses and grumble like Charlie Brown characters. I can only hope that if humans evolve to have speech bubbles above their heads, this is how we would communicate.

And after a fight against a boss that looked like a giant asparagus creature that turned out to be old lady Marble in a town burned down by Desians, I was banished and saved the game.

Interesting almost-first level.

Interesting and do-able.

And also terrifying.

I mean, human ranches? And old women who are whipped and then turned into asparagus creatures because of the exspheres that aren't put on their hands properly? And banishment and burned villages and ... and ... yet I'm intrigued and wouldn't mind continuing one day.

Or not.

Google's Doctor Who game

Can we just take a moment to appreciate Google?

As a recently converted Whovian, I find it thrilling to see the BBC's treasured show being so celebrated here on North American search engines. (I was going to say "soils" but nothing really ever happens on soil anymore. It's all online, so we should start looking into language and idiom adjustments to reflect that.)

How excited was I, then, to find that Google had turned its theme into a Doctor Who game? Your choice of Doctor has to go through Dalek, Cybermen and Weeping Angel-infested obstacle courses and slowly collect the letters of GOOGLE. Not only that, but when you did die, you aren't forced to restart the entire game because the Doctor regenerates in one long cyclical train of eleven (soon to be twelve) – and yes, I did die so much that I went straight through all eleven and started back again with Mr. William Hartnell. But it's okay! Because you just keep going.

Although, there were certain things about this amusing pass-time that gave me pause (or anxiety).

First of all, the directions. It felt so much like SuperMario RPG that I was getting more than a little frustrated. Am I going left right or straight? Who knows because my brain can't keep up with this tilted lifestyle so I'm left wandering back and forth and jumping into the exterminating whisk of a Dalek. Good thing the Doctor keeps regenerating and has thrown out that twelve-regenerations-per-Time-Lord thing.

Secondly, I worry about the level of stress I get from playing these games. Even after I realize that I can regenerate countless times, going through each of the eleven faces, I find myself panicking when I can't run away from the super-speedy Cybermen fast enough and I end up hiding under the portcullis of a castle. And then when that spike in heart rate occurs, all that I've learned about directions goes flying out the nearest window (browser window – adjusted idioms). I start to freak out, unable to control the terror running straight from my mind to my fingers, and I'm running in circle-squares (remember the SuperMario RPG child who ran in circle-squares?) and eventually succumb to death at the hand of one of my most feared, most relentless and most overused enemies. (Seriously, every epic battle for the Doctor inevitably includes the reincarnation of one of these things. Speaking of their ability to come back to life and reproduce, whatever happened to the Doctor's daughter a.k.a. the tenth Doctor's real wife a.k.a. the daughter of the fifth Doctor?)

Thirdly, there's one particular weakness I found with the Daleks – at least in this game. I get that they learned how to climb stairs, gave themselves a paint job and can pivot their heads 'round while Rory tries to return their eggs, but in this game, you can stalk them just by merely walking at a safe distance behind them. Do they have technology to sense the presence of those behind them? You'd think they would have evolved (or upgraded Cybermen-style) to have some kind of 360 degree camera which, I recently read in CBC, now exists. If Kickstarter can create that, why can't the Daleks? I feel like they're now just one step away from Sontaran's version of kryptonite. To quote Donna Noble, "Back of the neck!"

But at the end of the day, who really cares? I loved it. But I may have loved it more because of my attachment to Doctor Who. I'm sure if it was a game that was any other theme, I would've been bored within seconds and given up. I wonder if I would enjoy video games more if I had a sentimental attachment to the story/characters/etc. The answer is obviously a resounding yes, but it's up to my friend to take that "a-ha!" moment and give me a game to play.

Random short story: The last fight in Avengers, through the eyes of an average office worker

I know, I know. You must look at this and wonder what on earth that girl who's bad at video games is trying to pull. Well, I wrote a random short story from the perspective an office worker during the Avengers fight after watching Avengers twice in two weeks along with Thor, Thor 2 and Captain America. Let's just say I was on a particularly strong Marvel kick surrounding the release of The Dark World. And since audience crossover between Marvel comics (and subsequently Marvel movies) and video games seems to be quite high, I thought it was worth sharing.

"So there I was, minding my own business, just trying to get a coffee to get through the day and—"

"How long is this story?"

"What?" I asked, surprised at being interrupted.

"How long is this story?" the nasally voice asked again. I looked over in the direction of the interruption and I saw Jon poking his head over his computer.

"I just started.”

"Yes, but I'd like to know how long it's going to be so I can decide whether it's worth it to find my headphones and tune all you people out."

The few people who had removed themselves from their desks to come hear my story awkwardly stared at their feet as I glared at Jon. "You might want to find your headphones," I said simply.

"Good," he nodded. "That's all I wanted to know. Carry on."

I rolled my eyes and animatedly continued where I left off, "—just trying to get my coffee so I could find a way to survive another dull day, you know? And then—"

"One more question," Jon said loudly, talking over the presumably dull music that was pounding into his ears, "do you have to do this right now, right here?"

"Yes!" I said, exasperatedly. "Why?"

"Because some people are trying to work."

I looked around and the only people still sitting at their desks were... well, just him, actually. "No, you are just trying to work and it's not like there's anything pressing. All our summer projects finished last week," I reminded him. "So what exactly are you so busy working on?"

"The next season."

"Next season? Why would you start on next season when we all know this is our lull week?" I rolled my eyes again at the eagerness of this fool. He always worked twenty steps ahead of everyone else and then complained when we couldn't keep up. It wasn't my fault he hadn't learned how to pace himself in this job. "Can't you just turn up your music? This is a good story. And it's getting less good every time you interrupt it."

"Fine," he said gruffly, as he slouched back down to look at his computer screen.

"Okay, so after I got my coffee to bolster me up for another day in the office, I heard a yelp outside. Me and the barista—"

"The barista and I," interrupted Jon.

"—Me and the barista," I continued, "looked outside and saw a woman cowering under one of the patio tables, fearfully looking up at the sky. We both looked at each other and I slowly walked to the door. I opened it and asked her if she was okay, but she wouldn't respond, so I carefully walked outside and looked up and that's when I saw it—"

"Why would you go outside?" Jon asked.

"I thought you weren't listening," I snapped back at him.

"If this woman is clearly terrified for her life, why would you enter into a situation that would make you equally afraid for your life?"

"Because she may have just been overreacting," I offered.

"And was she?"

"You'd know if you shut up and let me continue with my story."

He waved for me to continue as if he was the queen.

"So I go outside and—"

"Why would you think she was overreacting?" he quickly asked.

"What?" I fumed.

"Why would you think this woman was overreacting about something?"

"She might've been afraid of birds or something," I answered. "Plus she looked a little—“

"A little what?"

"A little skittish."

"In what way?"

"In the way that she was a tiny little blonde with doe eyes and a naive face. She looked like the kind of person who would scare easy," I said quickly. Looking at Marie, the little blonde girl with doe eyes from finance, I added, "No offense, Marie." She shrugged a response, confirming my suspicions of her meek temperament. "Now, Jon, can I please continue my story?"

Again, he regally waved for me to go on.

"So I slowly go outside and peek into the sky from under the awning. I can't see anything and I look at her and she points a shaky finger, so I go out a little further and—"

"I thought you went outside, looked up and saw it," Jon said flatly.

"Yeah, I did, but first there was the awning and the shaky finger," I replied.

"But you didn't say that the first time."

"I know, but I'm saying it now."

"So which is true?"

"I swear to God, Jon..."

He waved before I had to ask permission to continue again, and as he waved my fingernails dug a little deeper into my palms.

"So I peek out from under the awning again," I say more quickly, hoping the speed of my words will stop him from interrupting me again, "and that's when I see it – there's this guy flying around that new tower, but he's not in a plane or anything, he's just this dude in a metal suit of some kind and sparks are flying out from his hands and feet and he's flying up."

"No way," Marie whispered, entranced.

"Way," I said with a smile, glad to see that someone was intrigued by my story.

"So he's flying up there and I look over and see some storm in the sky – the sky is totally blue, but then there's this great big grey cloud forming to the left, so I head back inside the coffee shop and explain this to the people inside and they all run out to see the guy in the metal suit, paying no attention to the freak storm forming in the clear blue sky—"

"Which tower?" Jon asked.

"The new one," I mutter quickly.

"The Stark Tower?"

"Sure."

"As in Tony Stark's tower?"

"Tony who?" I ask.

"Tony Stark," Jon said to the collection of blank faces. "Please tell me you guys have heard about Tony Stark."

"Is he that guy that's always in the news?" Geoffrey from sales asked.

"'That guy that's always in the news'?" Jon returned, shocked. "You mean the guy who has made himself into some kind of superhero? The one who has built the world's first self-sustaining energy mechanism that keeps him alive? The one who went from weapons manufacturing to the green energy business and has built that 'tower' that’s been on the cover of practically every business, eco-conservationist and news magazine in the last few months?"

Again, blank faces.

"Does no one read the news or watch the news or pay any attention to anything??"

I looked to those gathered around me, so glad not to be the only one out of the loop. Marie then added, "Was he on Celebrity Jeopardy last week?"

Jon hung his head in exasperation.

"Oh! Oh!" Priya piped up, "Is he the one who did that skit with Stephen Colbert? I saw it on Buzzfeed and it was hilarious!"

Jon's head sunk a little lower before I added, "Ohh yeah! My friend sent me that one! Is that the one where he pretends to be a tower and Stephen Colbert does an auto-tune rap about the Tower of Babel?"

"Yeah! That guy!" Geoffrey added.

I paused in thought and then said, "I guess it makes more sense why he was a tower if he's the one who built that tower thing."

I could hear the clash of keys as Jon's head smashed onto his keyboard.

"Well, anyways, as I was saying," I said as Jon was indisposed, "I walked the couple of blocks to work, occasionally looking back up at that tower, but I didn't see him again, so I came in here and told you guys."

"That's crazy. You saw a guy in his own flight suit? I wonder what he was doing," Marie said quietly.

"Maybe he was testing it," Priya added knowingly. "I mean, if he has such great technology for making that super tower, maybe he uses it as some kind of weird testing sight for his random inventions."

"Yeah," Geoffrey added. "But it seems unlikely that the authorities would let him do tests like that. I wonder if anyone called it in."

"Well, I'm sure people saw," I said. "I mean, it's a Tuesday morning and there were people in the office buildings and stuff, so I'm sure one of them saw. Someone probably called it in."

"Still," Priya said. "It would've been cool to see a guy flying around in a metal suit."

"Iron," Jon mumbled through his squished lips. "It's iron."

"Well," Priya scoffed. "I highly doubt that. Do you know how heavy iron is?"

"Yeah," Geoffery added. "Have you ever seen an iron gate or an iron fireplace? That stuff is way too heavy to be flying around the sky."

"It's true," I added quickly. "I have a cast iron skillet at home that I rarely use. It's just so heavy!"

"I think you're mistaken, Jon," Marie said, quiet as a mouse, while we all suppressed laughter at the sound of Jon's head hitting the keys again.

"Anyways," I said, glancing toward the window that gave us a pretty ordinary view of the building across the street, "I wonder if we'll see any more of our flying neighbour."

Geoffrey walked right up to the floor to ceiling glass and squinted at the edge of the Stark Tower that he could see between two other buildings a couple blocks away, a collection of screams in the street, however, had us all running to press our faces against the glass. Jon stayed at his desk.

We couldn't see anything in the streets, except for a woman pointing at the sky and screaming, when we tried to angle our heads, all we could make out was the growing grey cloud in the sky. Suddenly we saw it – there was something coming out of the sky. I felt my heart leap into my throat at the thought of an airplane flying into downtown Manhattan... again. None of us had been in NYC for that event twelve years ago, but that didn't mean we weren't keenly aware of it. Our employee handbook outlined the safest escape plan for such an emergency, with a route that led to the nearest subway station.

I glanced back at Jon with a worried look and he asked what was going on. "There's something in the sky," I said. He quickly came over to the window as the something was followed by other somethings and soon we realized these weren't planes. They were...

"No," Jon whispered. "Couldn't be."

"Where are they coming from?" Geoffrey demanded.

"What are they?" Priya added, leaning in closer to the window.

Suddenly one cruised right by our window and the entire floor jumped back in surprise. Suddenly, Jon went into floor warden mode and told everyone to head to the stairs. I started to walk toward the bright red sign, but saw that no one else followed. I looked to Jon who was raising his voice at the collection of employees who leaned back toward the glass, trying to figure out what was flying through the air.

I put one hand on the stair door handle and waited for people to respond to Jon. He went up to them at the window and told them to step back – we all had to get out, but they were too engrossed in what was happening outside and I didn't want to be the one who left all her coworkers behind in a crisis, so I stood ready to open the door when they all would rush over. As more and more things kept coming out of the storm cloud, more and more people came to the windows. Suddenly I heard a crash and the muffled sound of broken glass. I looked up to see the building across the street being scarred when one of the things smashed into it. I ran over to try and get a better look, but all I could see was grey metal and an armored being splayed across their floor. I could see the panicked faces of those employees that I never paid much attention to and found myself screaming at them to get out. The high-pitched urgency in my voice seemed to connect with those in my vicinity and as a herd of dress shirts and pantsuits ran past me to the exit.

Jon's nasally voice took on a tone of authority as he reminded people not to panic, but to head down the stairs to the meeting place. Unfortunately, no one seemed to listen to him as screams echoed through the stairwell while Jon and I took the rear, running out of the abandoned office. With dozens of people clamoring to move their way down the stairs, I felt like a sheep heading to slaughter, hoping against hope that image wouldn't be prophetic.

Finally at street level, they found they were greeted by several police officers, corralling people into groups before being led across the street and to the subway. They worked with speed and efficiency, their very presence calming the crowd that gathered into a hushed state of obedience. From the giant windows, we saw the things fly close to the ground and then, suddenly, there he was – that Stark guy Jon was talking about came flying up behind him, and shot him down into the street. The cops pushed us all back further into the building, until they knew it would be safe to get the next group across the street.

As I waited, I could see the thing clearly through the recently washed floor to ceiling windows on the ground floor. Jon leaned toward me and looked, too.

"It can't be," he said again.

"It can't be what?" I asked, my eyes refusing to move from the creature that was shot dead outside.

"Aliens," he whispered.

Normally, I would have scoffed at the over-active imagination of the annoying guy I shared a desk clump with, but this time I couldn't.

"Last year," he said quietly, not wanting to share this news with those around us, "in New Mexico, there was an incident. I have a cousin down there who sent me some photos. There was a storm cloud, just like there is today, and people came out of it – people and... and things."

"Like these things?" I whispered back.

"No, different things, but still... things."

The bark of a police officer telling our group to run pulled my gaze away from the creature as we cowered and ran for the subway entrance. The foreign whizzing sound of the things flew above us, but we didn't have time to check until we saw one crash-land, right in front of us. We all jumped back, suddenly exposed and uncertain of where to run. There it sat, blocking the entrance to the subway. At first we thought it might be dead, but we didn't know how long to wait and we certainly didn't want to stand in the middle of the street like sitting ducks, the police officer sensed this and kept us running across the street, ready to rethink his plan of the subway entrance. He was on his walkie-talkie checking with his colleagues when suddenly the creature began to move and stand. I felt its cold stare as it reached for the weapon it had dropped. As it bent down, a blur of red, white and blue crashed on top of it, a circular shield taking it out at the back of the neck. We all stood and stared, helpless, as this man jumped beside the creature's flying contraption, and easily picked it up and moved it – clearing a way for us to head down the stairs. Suddenly more creatures landed on the street and he told the cop to make us run as he held them off, fighting back. I was frozen, my knees unable to move for fear they'd give out when I felt the warmth of someone's hand in mine, beckoning me to join the group. It was Jon and he had a look of certainty that I decided to hold onto as we made a run for it.